"Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
But today is a gift
That is why it is called the present."
I often dreamed of the kind of mother I wanted to be. Those dreams increased when I found out we were pregnant with Samuel. One of the ways I wanted to mother was to be present. Not just physically present but present in every sense of the word. Not worried about planning out my day, not overwhelmed with things to accomplish, not distracted by T.V. or books... but in the moment, enjoying and cherishing every second with my children. Oh, how I have failed miserably in this area of parenting but by Gods grace I've never lost sight of the importance of "now." I hate watching my precious kids fall asleep at the end of the day and feeling regret over not investing in them the way I want to and the way they need me to.
Last night I found myself distracted and disconnected as I put Simone to sleep. She was swaddled, peacefully growing drowsy. I was there physically but was reading a magazine. I felt God ask me to stop reading and look at my daughter. I put the magazine down, turned to Simone and started talking to her. I told her how excited I had been when I discovered I was pregnant with her. I told her how, for the first months of pregnancy, I would literally get butterflies in my stomach every single time I thought of the little person growing inside of me. As I talked to her my eyes started dripping water :)... then before I knew it tears were streaming down my face. The gratefulness to God for creating such a unique, strong willed, passionate and incredible child overwhelmed me and I just cried and cried. I wonder what Simone was thinking. As I spoke she watched my tears and looked into my eyes. Maybe I confused her with my tears but I think she felt my love... and most importantly her Fathers love. As she drifted off to sleep I lay there and watched her, feeling so thankful for Gods voice asking me to be in the moment with my little baby. I would have missed that absolutely precious experience had I not listened to the Fathers voice... and all for what? A stupid magazine?!? I can't take back all the moments I've missed but thank Jesus for countless opportunities today and in the years to come to be a present Mother!
