This afternoon Jake came home from work, started a load of dirty laundry, took a shower than sat down and we looked online at homes for rent. Eventually the kids woke up from their naps and it was time to think about dinner. Fortunately, I didn't have to think that hard because Jake took care of it. We had steamed vegetables and he ate left over pizza. The rest of the evening consisted of playing with the kids, cleaning up dinner and house, laughing, joking, holding a fussy baby, talking on the phone with my Mom and Dad, cuddling with Sam and all of us sharing with each other about our day. The more time I spend with Jake the more I come to appreciate who he is.
I recently asked myself what I really love about my husband and a few significant things came to mind. The one that I want to share is this... I totally admire and appreciate that Jacob doesn't feel that when he walks in the door after work that his job is completed for the day. He views home life as a continuation of his day. He transitions seamlessly from hard worker outside the home to father and husband. Every day he cooks, changes diapers, gets up with the kids at night, cleans the house, washes dishes, hands out vitamins, reads books, plays with the kids, does laundry and the list goes on. When we first got married, I was NOT a housewife and really didn't want to be. Ok. Maybe someplace deep down I wanted a peaceful domestic life but I knew I wasn't ready for it. Jake never pressured me to be someone I wasn't and patiently stood by me as I struggled through finding out who I was. I worked outside the home for a couple years even after Samuel was born and I'm glad I did. It made me realize a lot about myself, what my priorities were and where my heart was.
I am so grateful for a supportive husband who stuck with me through my many ups and downs and took up the slack. I hope now I'm a little more stable. Every day there's a clearer picture of the kind of Mother, wife and individual I want to be and I'm learning to enjoy the process involved. But I digress.
The point of this post was to make some observations about my 1. pretty amazing husband 2. life. My generation of men (and women) did not, in general, have shining examples of involved fathers. From what I've observed, previous generations of men and women wanted defined roles for themselves (although I think mostly it was the men who wanted the defined roles. I don't know of a woman who doesn't get excited to see her husband change a few diapers, make dinner, clean up the house, etc. Can you imagine a woman saying, "oh, please don't help me with the dishes tonight. That's MY job." HA)
It was never meant to be a "your job" and "my job" tug of war. If we're looking to Jesus as an example on how to live our lives we would understand the importance of servant hood. Not just for women to serve but for men to serve their families as well (what a rare thing that is). It is so ingrained in us by watching our parents, grandparents, friends parents... that this is what a wife/mother does and this is what a father/husband does. It drives me crazy. I do think there is value in a mutual understanding of what ones role is in the family but why let some old fashioned idea define those roles. Each family is different... each person with different needs.
I've told Jacob many times how I want life to be fair. He laughs and says, "I'm not looking for fair and I don't need fair." What a foreign concept for me. I've ALWAYS been a fan of "fair." Growing up in a large family should have cured me of that desire... but I think it did the opposite. There were times I was enraged at the unfairness of life. How can anyone not want fair???? But he was being serious and I can hardly believe it. Jacob has said that there will be times in our marriage and parenting when he will give more than me and times when I will give more than him.
Jacob finds beauty in imperfection, laughs at unfairness and is often a better homemaker, cook and parent than me. He shows me and the kids Jesus' love every day. I feel blessed.
