There are so many missed moments in life. As a parent I'm painfully aware of missed opportunities with my kids. On too many occasions I'm too busy to take a moment and appreciate their creativity as they play. I miss chances to connect with them and see their heart. I miss moments that call for kindness and instead give into feelings of annoyance or frustration. I miss moments when slowing down and just "being" would be so much better than "doing."
Being a mindful Mom is difficult. Being kind and respectful to my three children in the midst of messes, chaos, setting boundaries, enforcing schedules and mediating conflicts is a challenge. At the end of the day I see so many things I wish I could go back and change. Moments that were missed. Hearts that were hurt. Words said out of frustration instead of love. But part of the process of becoming a more mindful, respectful and peaceful parent is recognizing that I'm human too. Some days I'm surviving instead of thriving. One of the hardest yet most necessary actions I can take in becoming a better Mom is identifying and accepting that I make mistakes, forgiving myself and moving on. It's embracing the good days and the bad. It's continuing to search for truth. It's looking for answers and healing for myself so I can understand and identify my triggers and avoid projecting my past issues onto the kids. It's getting back up after failures, opening my heart to my children and giving them my best.
Remembering and cherishing good moments is so important as well. Those moments I didn't miss. The times I did connect with their hearts and saw far deeper than behaviors or words. This brings me to what this post is really about... a few of the moments from today I feel blessed to have not missed..
One of the first things Sam did this morning was to draw out his vision for his future house. I'm so glad I took a moment to stand still notice the texture of his sandy blonde hair bent over his paper and notice the unique way he held his marker. I would have missed those details and also missed seeing the excitement in his pretty blue eyes if I had been busy picking up the house.
Sam asked Jake and I to play a game with him. He explained the rules then we chose our character and for the next ten minutes chased each other around the living room. I could see Samuels brain turning, imagining an epic battle taking place as we crashed our transformers together. The game was actually pretty fun. But mostly it was fun to watch his mind create something far more grand than the three of us flying transformers. He was so pleased that we played with him and I'm so glad I didn't miss that moment.
Later in the day Sam told me about his future. He's going to buy a house. Jake and I can come visit whenever we want. He's going to keep it very clean so whenever we come by it will be nice and relaxing. He's going to buy a cat. A medium sized cat. He will have two cars. A Mustang and a Corvette. He'll have to get a job that makes money so he can pay his rent. It's going to be about $40.00 a month for rent (I had to give him a little reality check on that one). He will need money for food and gas. I'm so glad I took time to sit on the couch and take part in dreaming with him instead of folding laundry or washing dishes.
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| Big hair |
Lately Simone has been muttering things about being a big girl and today she sealed the deal by peeing AND pooping in the toilet all by herself. We had decided to let her choose when she would start using the toilet. She hadn't shown an inkling of interest other than several short attemps but today she proudly used the potty five times. In-between visits to the bathroom she would pull on her big-girl purple panties and zoom off on her four wheel firetruck named Thomas. At one point I walked in the bathroom and literally gasped at the disaster I found. Let's just say that her independence didn't end at using the potty. She had tried... and failed... at wiping. Poop all over the floor, rug, seat etc. But I remembered the sparkle in her eyes and the pride on her face at being a big girl and honestly didn't mind cleaning up the mess. For the rest of the day she did EVERYTHING by herself. I can't count how many times she said "I'm a big girl."
Simone is passionate about everything in life including her hair. She loves big hair. Each day she tries to make her hair big like Grandmas, Uncle Jareds and Aunt Marias. Anything she can get her hands on goes straight to her hair. Today it was two kinds of deodorant, face wash, hand soap, a variety of hair products, essential oil and lotion. What a hodgepodge of scents. Then she brushed her red curls until they dried and... poof. "Big hair." A proven and effective method for achieving the desired results. Had I been distracted by the messes I would have missed the her effort and satisfaction at accomplishing big hair.
Later in the day I found her rummaging through the kitchen draw. When I asked what she was looking for she told me she wanted scissors to cut the strings. I asked what strings she was going to cut and she grabbed her curls and held them up. "These strings. See?" I told her I loved her strings and wanted them to stay on her head. Instead of panicking and reacting I was present and was able to appreciate her imagination and independent spirit.
Tonight was the first night trying a new sleeping arrangement in hopes that Sophia and I can both get more sleep and as I told her about the change in routine she rested her head on my shoulder. She would occasionally pull back and watch my eyes and mouth as I spoke. When I was done explaining how the night would go she pushed back and just stared at me. I smiled and talked to her a little more, letting her know that I would be near her tonight, that everything would be OK and falling asleep was a good idea. She laid her head on my chest and cooed in response. We stayed like that, communicating and enjoying each others company. After I laid her down in bed, she grabbed my finger and held it to her cheek until her eyes closed. I'm so thankful I didn't miss those moments. I feel blessed to have seen her big blue eyes, full of understanding, trust and love. She felt safe with me and even though the routine had changed, she fell asleep confidently and with little fuss. I'm so proud of her and so happy to have been present with her.
So, I end this day with regrets. BUT, I also end this day feeling so happy to have been present and mindful in so many moments. The time with my children is fleeting. Here's to fewer missed moments!
He stopped occasionally to explore the creek by the trail or climb a fallen tree then would say "lets rock it," and take off running again. I bit my tongue a lot. I wanted to keep telling him he was doing a good job, or correct his running form, or give him tips, or ask him to avoid the mud, or tell him to be careful. By saying any of those things I believe it would have taken away from his experience. It would limit his sense of adventure and make him feel incapable. I became a silent observer and watched his confidence increase and his frustrations from the day melt away. He started the run feeling angry and powerless and ended the run happy and empowered.
