Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Perspective!
I've been going through another identity crisis. Not as bad as it has been before... but feeling slightly depressed and not sure what I'm doing as a Mom. It doesn't feel natural to be a Mom sometimes. I feel bad for my kids because they're living in this apartment and I just feel like they are missing out on so much because they don't have a yard to play in. We take them to the park as often as possible, but it's not the same. I feel like I lack so much as a parent. Patience, involvement, energy etc. I'm terrified my kids will grow up not feeling connected, loved, taken care of and have bad childhood memories. It's terrible. Since we don't have a second vehicle I feel trapped sometimes during the day. Then I feel horrible for feeling all that and the vicious cycle starts. I was praying today and asking God to give me perspective. He answered my prayer by bringing to mind two specific memories. Both were times that Jake and I were cleaning carpet in the early months of our marriage... I hated that job!... and we walked into two different homes where the Moms had toddlers. One of them had blueberry muffins in the oven, filling the house with amazing smells. The other was making beds and running around the house keeping her kids out of the way. Both scenarios were comforting to me in a way!! I couldn't wait to start a family with Jake and be a Mom. And here I am. I get to be that Mom that bakes yummy things for her kids, teaches them anything I want because I'm with them all day, play with them, cry with them, see them take their first steps and say their first words. I get to tear up everyday, multiple times, as I see them grow and change and amaze me. My heart swells with pride at who they are becoming and the gifts they have. I get to make a home and create things in my spare time. I have the amazing privilege of doing what many working Moms wish they could do. The job is, hands down, the hardest job I can imagine. There are days I literally want to pull my hair out. Days I feel lost and confused, angry and sad. Days I feel like the worst Mother alive. Days I know that things are out of balance and I'm not giving my kids the very best. But my gosh, I wouldn't change my choice to have kids. Just like anything good and lasting in life, there is always a lot of pain involved. I am so thankful for my job and that God changed my heart this morning so dramatically that instead of taking a nap, I laid in bed, so excited and thrilled. I couldn't stop thinking about the future I have with the kids and Jake. What a crazy turn around. Thankful for a God who hears me and so thoroughly changes my heart and mind.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Dreams become reality
Well, it's been quite some time since I posted about the 13.1. I ran it in 2:33. I fell short of my goals. I was beyond glad it was over. So glad I cried. And that's all. Moooving on.....
Disclaimer: While the following story may seem trivial to some, it's incredibly significant and meaningful to me. Health and fitness are a passion of mine and I am so thankful for Gods provision.
Months before running my second half marathon, I dreamed of becoming strong and fit. I really appreciate how running has shaped me mentally and physically, but I've never considered myself a runner, even after running 10 miles without stopping. I think it was because I never liked it. I loved the euphoria I experienced after a hard run, but usually hated myself during the run. There is nothing natural about long distance running. During the training season, I lived for the interval part of the training program. I liked the shorter sprints. Short and sweet! I told Jake months ago that when I was done with the 13.1, I wanted to shift my exercise goals and take on new challenges. To describe my goals in a few words, I would say I wanted functional strength. To be fit and most of all healthy. I've known a long time that weight lifting is crucial for health, especially for woman. Balancing weights and running was challenging because of time constraints and so, for the past 3 years, I had mostly chosen running. I decided that after the race I would start lifting more.
A couple months ago I first heard the term "Crossfit." It grabbed my attention. While not knowing a thing about Crossfit, I imagined a more whole approach to fitness. A couple weeks later, I heard that "C" word again. I kept forgetting to get online and check it out. In the meantime, I started a lifting program and last Friday finished my 7th week of lifting. Two weeks ago, my sister who is a former Marine, randomly started talking about Crossfit. She had participated in it while oversees the previous year and had seen fantastic results. We got online to watch videos. Crossfit is a conditioning brand that recognizes that a fit individual needs to function in the ten general physical skills. Cardio/respiratory endurance, Stamina, strength, flexibility, power, speed, agility, balance, coordination and accuracy.
As we watched the videos I was really inspired! I knew it was what I wanted to be involved in. I spoke to Jacob about it and told him I could totally get into this sport. I told him I could even see myself competing eventually. Instead of dreaming of what it would be like, I decided to face my fear of the unknown and look for a local gym I could join. Only one gym (called a box) came up on Google maps so, before I changed my mind, I emailed them to find out prices and to schedule a free assessment. I got a quick reply and after 17 emails back and forth we figured out a time to meet. I almost changed my mind a million times but saw a quote that helped me stick to my decision. "The greatest barrier to success is fear of failure." I knew I'd be entering into a world of challenges and it was/is scary. There would be great pain and lots of fear to face before I could do a handstand pushup (or a handstand, period), a muscle-up or any other full body movements these people do. I'm all about "comfortable." I don't like putting myself in an environment where I'm guaranteed to fail but I knew I'd regret it if I didn't go.
The assessment went well but I walked away discouraged about the cost to join. After going over finances and getting support from Jake, I decided it was possible to do it financially but I felt slightly sick and selfish about it. I didn't want to pay that much but we decided to view it the same as we view organic food. It's more expensive but it's contributing to our health. It's an investment. With that perspective, I sent Kat (trainer) an email, asking if I could have Jacobs student discount applied to me. It was a shot in the dark, and while it would only save us $10 a month it would make a difference. The reply I got knocked my socks off and made me cry. Here is a portion from her response email....
"So glad your excited! I have a proposition for you, it would not only fit with your goals, but would make it very affordable, and by affordable I mean FREE for you!!! I spoke with My fiancé Ben last night and told him about your goal to get stronger, and based on your age, height, weight, build, you would actually make a really good Powerlifter. The program I would have designed for you would have been along the same lines anyway. Every once in a while there is a rare case..someone like you, that we feel could excel in different programs. Powerlifting could be yours. Because you are a novice and young enough, we would teach you how to correctly do everything you need to know. In exchange for the training we ask that you compete at least 4x/year. If you are interested let me know and I will have you come back in for a tryout with Ben"
When I received the email I was speechless. All I could think was, "Thank you, God." After talking to Jacob, we felt like it was a clear answer to prayer and I immediately responded by email.
After meeting with Ben this evening, I look back and all I can say is wow. God truly knows me and heard my hearts desires. It's always incredible when God provides money, jobs, clothes, etc. Those are things we need to live in this life. But, in a way, I am more touched by His kindness when he meets my little wants. He saw what I desired... what I certainly didn't NEED.. and He provided it for me anyway. It's the simple, yet not so simple, things that make me feel so loved and completely known by Him. A week ago I couldn't possibly have imagined that not only would I get to join a Crossfit gym but that I would recieve one-on-one training for FREEEEEE! Doing EXACTLY what I was hoping to pursue... getting stronger! God is too good to me. The unimaginable becomes reality with Him.
Disclaimer: While the following story may seem trivial to some, it's incredibly significant and meaningful to me. Health and fitness are a passion of mine and I am so thankful for Gods provision.
Months before running my second half marathon, I dreamed of becoming strong and fit. I really appreciate how running has shaped me mentally and physically, but I've never considered myself a runner, even after running 10 miles without stopping. I think it was because I never liked it. I loved the euphoria I experienced after a hard run, but usually hated myself during the run. There is nothing natural about long distance running. During the training season, I lived for the interval part of the training program. I liked the shorter sprints. Short and sweet! I told Jake months ago that when I was done with the 13.1, I wanted to shift my exercise goals and take on new challenges. To describe my goals in a few words, I would say I wanted functional strength. To be fit and most of all healthy. I've known a long time that weight lifting is crucial for health, especially for woman. Balancing weights and running was challenging because of time constraints and so, for the past 3 years, I had mostly chosen running. I decided that after the race I would start lifting more.
A couple months ago I first heard the term "Crossfit." It grabbed my attention. While not knowing a thing about Crossfit, I imagined a more whole approach to fitness. A couple weeks later, I heard that "C" word again. I kept forgetting to get online and check it out. In the meantime, I started a lifting program and last Friday finished my 7th week of lifting. Two weeks ago, my sister who is a former Marine, randomly started talking about Crossfit. She had participated in it while oversees the previous year and had seen fantastic results. We got online to watch videos. Crossfit is a conditioning brand that recognizes that a fit individual needs to function in the ten general physical skills. Cardio/respiratory endurance, Stamina, strength, flexibility, power, speed, agility, balance, coordination and accuracy.
As we watched the videos I was really inspired! I knew it was what I wanted to be involved in. I spoke to Jacob about it and told him I could totally get into this sport. I told him I could even see myself competing eventually. Instead of dreaming of what it would be like, I decided to face my fear of the unknown and look for a local gym I could join. Only one gym (called a box) came up on Google maps so, before I changed my mind, I emailed them to find out prices and to schedule a free assessment. I got a quick reply and after 17 emails back and forth we figured out a time to meet. I almost changed my mind a million times but saw a quote that helped me stick to my decision. "The greatest barrier to success is fear of failure." I knew I'd be entering into a world of challenges and it was/is scary. There would be great pain and lots of fear to face before I could do a handstand pushup (or a handstand, period), a muscle-up or any other full body movements these people do. I'm all about "comfortable." I don't like putting myself in an environment where I'm guaranteed to fail but I knew I'd regret it if I didn't go.
The assessment went well but I walked away discouraged about the cost to join. After going over finances and getting support from Jake, I decided it was possible to do it financially but I felt slightly sick and selfish about it. I didn't want to pay that much but we decided to view it the same as we view organic food. It's more expensive but it's contributing to our health. It's an investment. With that perspective, I sent Kat (trainer) an email, asking if I could have Jacobs student discount applied to me. It was a shot in the dark, and while it would only save us $10 a month it would make a difference. The reply I got knocked my socks off and made me cry. Here is a portion from her response email....
"So glad your excited! I have a proposition for you, it would not only fit with your goals, but would make it very affordable, and by affordable I mean FREE for you!!! I spoke with My fiancé Ben last night and told him about your goal to get stronger, and based on your age, height, weight, build, you would actually make a really good Powerlifter. The program I would have designed for you would have been along the same lines anyway. Every once in a while there is a rare case..someone like you, that we feel could excel in different programs. Powerlifting could be yours. Because you are a novice and young enough, we would teach you how to correctly do everything you need to know. In exchange for the training we ask that you compete at least 4x/year. If you are interested let me know and I will have you come back in for a tryout with Ben"
When I received the email I was speechless. All I could think was, "Thank you, God." After talking to Jacob, we felt like it was a clear answer to prayer and I immediately responded by email.
After meeting with Ben this evening, I look back and all I can say is wow. God truly knows me and heard my hearts desires. It's always incredible when God provides money, jobs, clothes, etc. Those are things we need to live in this life. But, in a way, I am more touched by His kindness when he meets my little wants. He saw what I desired... what I certainly didn't NEED.. and He provided it for me anyway. It's the simple, yet not so simple, things that make me feel so loved and completely known by Him. A week ago I couldn't possibly have imagined that not only would I get to join a Crossfit gym but that I would recieve one-on-one training for FREEEEEE! Doing EXACTLY what I was hoping to pursue... getting stronger! God is too good to me. The unimaginable becomes reality with Him.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
13.1
After this Saturday I'll have the pleasure of checking off a goal on my to-do list and keeping a promise to myself. That goal being to run a mini marathon. I promised myself that, in order to get back into shape after my pregnancies, I would run a mini between each child. Well, almost two years ago I ran my first 13.1. Before then I never would have dreamed I could run one mile, let alone 13.1 miles. Over the last three years of running I've come to enjoy and rely on it to keep me energized and happy. We all benefit if I get my run in :) I don't have super high hopes for my race time. I've slacked in the past couple weeks and just hope to run it under two hours and twenty minutes. Not fast, but it requires me to keep running the whole time. No walking. I'm nervous because the farthest I've run without stopping is ten miles. I was pretty wasted afterward, so the thought of adding three miles onto my longest run is a little scary, but hey... one thing I've learned while training is that it's mostly mental. I know my body can do, I just need to control my thoughts and stay positive. I'm always excited to take on new challenges and this will, no doubt, be a challenge.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The "heart melt, I'm so proud of you" moment
*"Get out of my way, jerk!" My immediate reaction was frustration. I sat down for a moment and cooled off, then called Sam who was in the bedroom playing with Simone. He came to me right away. I gave him a big squeeze and said in a sad voice, "oh Sam, it's not ok to say to your sister "get out of my way, jerk." Lately he's been experimenting with calling inanimate objects some not-so-nice names and this was the first time I'd heard him call Simone a name. Without me asking him to apologize he walked over to Simone and said in such an adult voice, "sorry, sweetheart.'' He also gave her his motorcycle to play with and completely changed his attitude towards her.
A little example of the kind of person Sam is. I'm proud of him!
A little example of the kind of person Sam is. I'm proud of him!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Better Than On Time
From the beginning of our marriage there has been an ongoing conflict between me and my man. Anyone who knows us is aware that our paces of life differ greatly. In my fast paced brain, I am always thinking twenty steps ahead. Jacob, on the other hand, moves a mile every two hours. Of course he moves faster than that but it feels like he's moving that slow, especially when it's time to get out the door. Our processing time is very different as well. When someone asks me a question I rarely have to pause to process or think about my response. It's on my tongue immediately. Maybe that's a problem:) Jacob can take hours, days, or even weeks to process a question or conversation we've had. I tend to view life through an urgent filter... Jacob does not.
Sunday morning I found myself alone in Starbucks feeling frustrated and angry. The plan had been to leave early from Jacobs parents and make the three hour drive to our home church in Southern, IN. As you may have already guessed, that didn't happen. So I sat there alone, feeling sorry for myself. Of course, this was completely Jacobs fault and I had no responsibility in this problem(said sarcastically). If only he had moved faster, decided to eat milk and cereal instead of making oatmeal, not drank his coffee SO slowly, sped up and down the stairs like I was doing, prioritized and thought ahead... basically, if he had done things exactly my way we wouldn't have been in that predicament. I, on the other hand, had packed the night before, woken up at 5:45, forgone pretty hair and instead thrown it up in a messy bun on top of my head.
It was my birthday and things are supposed to go perfectly on your birthday, right? Earlier that morning as I watched the short hand of the clock move past 7 my anxiety and anger mounted. When I found myself snapping at my sleepy son, who had been rudely awakened by his mother, I knew it was time to let go of getting to church that morning. It just wasn't worth damaging my family relationships. With sleepy, sad Sam in my arms I sunk into the couch cushions, defeated and mad. As I sat there rubbing his back I struggled to find peace... the problem was I had placed so much expectation in going to church and seeing my friends that it was hard to find peace. God has been showing me that my sense of well being will constantly be changing if I'm placing my hope and happiness in people or circumstances. So it was that day that I found my happiness gone because Jacob had failed my expectations.
Later, as I journaled in Starbucks and tried to process the feelings that accompany being late or not getting to our destination at all, I felt God ask me a question. It was the one clear thought in the midst of yucky emotions, hurt feelings and confusion. At first I said no to God in my heart and kept writing, trying to figure things out by myself. But He asked me again so I stopped writing and just sat there, fighting hard because what He was asking of me was IMPOSSIBLE!
God had just asked me to let go of being on time. Not just for that morning, but for forever. I could use up many words about why giving up this area is a really bad idea, not to mention there's no way I had what took to do such a thing. Isn't there something spiritual and necessary about being on time? It's a discipline essential in life. Being on time teaches us to think of others more than ourselves, requires time management, planning ahead, showing respect for others time, etc. How could I give that up? I had kids to teach, examples to set and, let me be honest... embarrassment to avoid of being late or not there at all. I had religious reasons to back up my anger and frustration. However, once again, God the Father who knows best had other plans for me. I'm learning to trust that His ways are higher than my ways. He wasn't just asking me to let go of being on time, He was asking me to choose relationship with my husband over being right (aka, on time). I've fought so hard to be on time our whole marriage but trying to control this area has only led to further anger and frustration on both our parts. So, I answered Him... "Yes".
How does one let go of being on time? What would that even look like practically? Honestly, I'm clueless but I'm trusting that when God asks something of me He always gives me the grace and wisdom to see it through. I have a feeling that each situation will require me to respond 'yes' and that letting go may look different every time. God's good and I have to admit I feel relief. Getting us places on time is no longer my responsibility. I'll do my very best to plan ahead, being responsible for myself and the little ones, but I'm done trying to control my husband to do things my way, in my time and losing peace when my plans are forced to change.
Sunday morning I found myself alone in Starbucks feeling frustrated and angry. The plan had been to leave early from Jacobs parents and make the three hour drive to our home church in Southern, IN. As you may have already guessed, that didn't happen. So I sat there alone, feeling sorry for myself. Of course, this was completely Jacobs fault and I had no responsibility in this problem(said sarcastically). If only he had moved faster, decided to eat milk and cereal instead of making oatmeal, not drank his coffee SO slowly, sped up and down the stairs like I was doing, prioritized and thought ahead... basically, if he had done things exactly my way we wouldn't have been in that predicament. I, on the other hand, had packed the night before, woken up at 5:45, forgone pretty hair and instead thrown it up in a messy bun on top of my head.
It was my birthday and things are supposed to go perfectly on your birthday, right? Earlier that morning as I watched the short hand of the clock move past 7 my anxiety and anger mounted. When I found myself snapping at my sleepy son, who had been rudely awakened by his mother, I knew it was time to let go of getting to church that morning. It just wasn't worth damaging my family relationships. With sleepy, sad Sam in my arms I sunk into the couch cushions, defeated and mad. As I sat there rubbing his back I struggled to find peace... the problem was I had placed so much expectation in going to church and seeing my friends that it was hard to find peace. God has been showing me that my sense of well being will constantly be changing if I'm placing my hope and happiness in people or circumstances. So it was that day that I found my happiness gone because Jacob had failed my expectations.
Later, as I journaled in Starbucks and tried to process the feelings that accompany being late or not getting to our destination at all, I felt God ask me a question. It was the one clear thought in the midst of yucky emotions, hurt feelings and confusion. At first I said no to God in my heart and kept writing, trying to figure things out by myself. But He asked me again so I stopped writing and just sat there, fighting hard because what He was asking of me was IMPOSSIBLE!
God had just asked me to let go of being on time. Not just for that morning, but for forever. I could use up many words about why giving up this area is a really bad idea, not to mention there's no way I had what took to do such a thing. Isn't there something spiritual and necessary about being on time? It's a discipline essential in life. Being on time teaches us to think of others more than ourselves, requires time management, planning ahead, showing respect for others time, etc. How could I give that up? I had kids to teach, examples to set and, let me be honest... embarrassment to avoid of being late or not there at all. I had religious reasons to back up my anger and frustration. However, once again, God the Father who knows best had other plans for me. I'm learning to trust that His ways are higher than my ways. He wasn't just asking me to let go of being on time, He was asking me to choose relationship with my husband over being right (aka, on time). I've fought so hard to be on time our whole marriage but trying to control this area has only led to further anger and frustration on both our parts. So, I answered Him... "Yes".
How does one let go of being on time? What would that even look like practically? Honestly, I'm clueless but I'm trusting that when God asks something of me He always gives me the grace and wisdom to see it through. I have a feeling that each situation will require me to respond 'yes' and that letting go may look different every time. God's good and I have to admit I feel relief. Getting us places on time is no longer my responsibility. I'll do my very best to plan ahead, being responsible for myself and the little ones, but I'm done trying to control my husband to do things my way, in my time and losing peace when my plans are forced to change.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Realizing what I have
This afternoon Jake came home from work, started a load of dirty laundry, took a shower than sat down and we looked online at homes for rent. Eventually the kids woke up from their naps and it was time to think about dinner. Fortunately, I didn't have to think that hard because Jake took care of it. We had steamed vegetables and he ate left over pizza. The rest of the evening consisted of playing with the kids, cleaning up dinner and house, laughing, joking, holding a fussy baby, talking on the phone with my Mom and Dad, cuddling with Sam and all of us sharing with each other about our day. The more time I spend with Jake the more I come to appreciate who he is.
I recently asked myself what I really love about my husband and a few significant things came to mind. The one that I want to share is this... I totally admire and appreciate that Jacob doesn't feel that when he walks in the door after work that his job is completed for the day. He views home life as a continuation of his day. He transitions seamlessly from hard worker outside the home to father and husband. Every day he cooks, changes diapers, gets up with the kids at night, cleans the house, washes dishes, hands out vitamins, reads books, plays with the kids, does laundry and the list goes on. When we first got married, I was NOT a housewife and really didn't want to be. Ok. Maybe someplace deep down I wanted a peaceful domestic life but I knew I wasn't ready for it. Jake never pressured me to be someone I wasn't and patiently stood by me as I struggled through finding out who I was. I worked outside the home for a couple years even after Samuel was born and I'm glad I did. It made me realize a lot about myself, what my priorities were and where my heart was.
I am so grateful for a supportive husband who stuck with me through my many ups and downs and took up the slack. I hope now I'm a little more stable. Every day there's a clearer picture of the kind of Mother, wife and individual I want to be and I'm learning to enjoy the process involved. But I digress.
The point of this post was to make some observations about my 1. pretty amazing husband 2. life. My generation of men (and women) did not, in general, have shining examples of involved fathers. From what I've observed, previous generations of men and women wanted defined roles for themselves (although I think mostly it was the men who wanted the defined roles. I don't know of a woman who doesn't get excited to see her husband change a few diapers, make dinner, clean up the house, etc. Can you imagine a woman saying, "oh, please don't help me with the dishes tonight. That's MY job." HA)
It was never meant to be a "your job" and "my job" tug of war. If we're looking to Jesus as an example on how to live our lives we would understand the importance of servant hood. Not just for women to serve but for men to serve their families as well (what a rare thing that is). It is so ingrained in us by watching our parents, grandparents, friends parents... that this is what a wife/mother does and this is what a father/husband does. It drives me crazy. I do think there is value in a mutual understanding of what ones role is in the family but why let some old fashioned idea define those roles. Each family is different... each person with different needs.
I've told Jacob many times how I want life to be fair. He laughs and says, "I'm not looking for fair and I don't need fair." What a foreign concept for me. I've ALWAYS been a fan of "fair." Growing up in a large family should have cured me of that desire... but I think it did the opposite. There were times I was enraged at the unfairness of life. How can anyone not want fair???? But he was being serious and I can hardly believe it. Jacob has said that there will be times in our marriage and parenting when he will give more than me and times when I will give more than him.
Jacob finds beauty in imperfection, laughs at unfairness and is often a better homemaker, cook and parent than me. He shows me and the kids Jesus' love every day. I feel blessed.
I recently asked myself what I really love about my husband and a few significant things came to mind. The one that I want to share is this... I totally admire and appreciate that Jacob doesn't feel that when he walks in the door after work that his job is completed for the day. He views home life as a continuation of his day. He transitions seamlessly from hard worker outside the home to father and husband. Every day he cooks, changes diapers, gets up with the kids at night, cleans the house, washes dishes, hands out vitamins, reads books, plays with the kids, does laundry and the list goes on. When we first got married, I was NOT a housewife and really didn't want to be. Ok. Maybe someplace deep down I wanted a peaceful domestic life but I knew I wasn't ready for it. Jake never pressured me to be someone I wasn't and patiently stood by me as I struggled through finding out who I was. I worked outside the home for a couple years even after Samuel was born and I'm glad I did. It made me realize a lot about myself, what my priorities were and where my heart was.
I am so grateful for a supportive husband who stuck with me through my many ups and downs and took up the slack. I hope now I'm a little more stable. Every day there's a clearer picture of the kind of Mother, wife and individual I want to be and I'm learning to enjoy the process involved. But I digress.
The point of this post was to make some observations about my 1. pretty amazing husband 2. life. My generation of men (and women) did not, in general, have shining examples of involved fathers. From what I've observed, previous generations of men and women wanted defined roles for themselves (although I think mostly it was the men who wanted the defined roles. I don't know of a woman who doesn't get excited to see her husband change a few diapers, make dinner, clean up the house, etc. Can you imagine a woman saying, "oh, please don't help me with the dishes tonight. That's MY job." HA)
It was never meant to be a "your job" and "my job" tug of war. If we're looking to Jesus as an example on how to live our lives we would understand the importance of servant hood. Not just for women to serve but for men to serve their families as well (what a rare thing that is). It is so ingrained in us by watching our parents, grandparents, friends parents... that this is what a wife/mother does and this is what a father/husband does. It drives me crazy. I do think there is value in a mutual understanding of what ones role is in the family but why let some old fashioned idea define those roles. Each family is different... each person with different needs.
I've told Jacob many times how I want life to be fair. He laughs and says, "I'm not looking for fair and I don't need fair." What a foreign concept for me. I've ALWAYS been a fan of "fair." Growing up in a large family should have cured me of that desire... but I think it did the opposite. There were times I was enraged at the unfairness of life. How can anyone not want fair???? But he was being serious and I can hardly believe it. Jacob has said that there will be times in our marriage and parenting when he will give more than me and times when I will give more than him.
Jacob finds beauty in imperfection, laughs at unfairness and is often a better homemaker, cook and parent than me. He shows me and the kids Jesus' love every day. I feel blessed.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Very different kids
I don't know if other parents are like me but I constantly find myself comparing and contrasting Sam and Simone. They are just about as opposite as can be. One is not better than the other. With both personalities come different joys and challenges. Both of them happen to be very sweet, sensitive and cuddly. That's where the similarities end.
When Sam was a baby he was calculated and cautious with every move he made. He rarely, rarely hurt himself. When he first learned to stand up and start walking around furniture he only let go when he was fully confident that he wouldn't topple over. When he was ready to walk he was ready. He hardly ever fell.
Simone on the other hand.... She gets hurt about every twenty minutes. I watched her the other day as she pulled herself to a standing position and reached out to grab the laptop that was on a chair clearly out of her reach. She actually let go of the table and kinda dove for the chair. I was shocked. Before I could grab her she fell and bumped her head. I don't think that's her being a dumb little baby. I believe, in her own way, she is very calculated as well. She is just willing to take risks that Sam never took. I think she knows she will probably get hurt but she's ready to take the chance of pain in order to have something she wants. Very interesting!
I'm very curious to see who these two, very different, people end up being.
When Sam was a baby he was calculated and cautious with every move he made. He rarely, rarely hurt himself. When he first learned to stand up and start walking around furniture he only let go when he was fully confident that he wouldn't topple over. When he was ready to walk he was ready. He hardly ever fell.
Simone on the other hand.... She gets hurt about every twenty minutes. I watched her the other day as she pulled herself to a standing position and reached out to grab the laptop that was on a chair clearly out of her reach. She actually let go of the table and kinda dove for the chair. I was shocked. Before I could grab her she fell and bumped her head. I don't think that's her being a dumb little baby. I believe, in her own way, she is very calculated as well. She is just willing to take risks that Sam never took. I think she knows she will probably get hurt but she's ready to take the chance of pain in order to have something she wants. Very interesting!
I'm very curious to see who these two, very different, people end up being.
Sweet little Sam
On our way home last night from a friends house Simone was mad. Poor kid is incredibly active and she thinks it's cruel and unusual punishment to be strapped in her car seat for any given time. Last night the drive happened to be forty five minutes. Ouch! Ouch for her and ouch for our ears. She spent the entire time letting us know very clearly that she was about to die from being in that seat. After ten minutes of screaming, Sam, who was sitting beside her patiently enduring her screams finally said in a calm and collected way (typically the Sam way):
"WOW! Simone, you are really loud. You are really hurting my ears. Simone, please stop screaming. Simooooonnee, you are REALLY hurting my ears with that sound."
After repeating these things several times and trying to hold her hand to comfort her he gave up with a quiet...
"Oh, never mind!"
And for the rest of the trip he said nothing else.
Jake and I sat up front laughing quietly. He is such a sweetie!
"WOW! Simone, you are really loud. You are really hurting my ears. Simone, please stop screaming. Simooooonnee, you are REALLY hurting my ears with that sound."
After repeating these things several times and trying to hold her hand to comfort her he gave up with a quiet...
"Oh, never mind!"
And for the rest of the trip he said nothing else.
Jake and I sat up front laughing quietly. He is such a sweetie!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Positive Beginnings
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