Simply messy

Parenthood is messy. I recently had a conversation with some other moms and moms-to-be about how becoming a parent exposes our real selves even more than marriage does. Parenting in a loving way has proven to be very challenging. It requires creativity and asking for Gods help and strength every single day. It requires letting go of many conveniences and it confronts my selfishness on an hourly basis. Sleeping in, eating uninterrupted, and completing any one task without someone needing me are just a few of the things I've had to let go of since becoming a parent. How and where I spend my time is no longer guaranteed. In many ways, I've given up choices that a single person possesses. There are fewer options for me and it gets complicated.

 I literally get messy everyday; physically and emotionally.  Theres also a pretty constant need to keep up on clutter, dishes, laundry, meals, and school with Sam. So much to think about. So much to be hard on myself about... because in addition to, and more importantly than, all that, I need to make time to love on my kids and recieve their affection too. It's a balance. It's a challenge. It's heartbreaking when I realize how I've failed. It's chaotic and loud at times. But the wonderful thing is... it's also so amazingly simple.

As I watch my kids grow, I learn so much from them.  I realize how much chaos I create in my own head. I make my life more complicated than it has to be. Their worlds are so simple. They love, fight,  learn, grow, eat, sleep and play. Simple. They don't get wrapped up in their failures and stuck in their heads like I do. They don't worry about the future. They freely receive the love we give them and appreciate the small things in life.

Parenthood is an incredible gift. A gift that is sometimes so simple and pure that I miss it. Today at lunch, Simone kept wrapping her little arms around my neck and saying "yuv you" and "hi". She would nod, as if confirming and agreeing with her statements and then go back to eating. I took a moment to be still and enjoy the love. So simple. So profound. So not-messy.

Right before we ate lunch, I realized Sam was picking up his toys without being told. I was thrilled and expressed my appreciation for his thoughtfulness. I asked him why he was picking up on his own, and his response? "Well, I realized you had picked up my toys for me earlier, and I thought it would be nice to pick up the mess we made." So simple. So thoughtful.

Jake has been talking to Sam about respecting the earth by not littering. He's also explained how important composting and recycling is. The way he simplified it so Sam could understand is by saying the earth is hungry. There are some things the earth can't digest and some things it can. A few days later Jake made some delicious coconut flour pancakes and the kids took them out on the porch to enjoy. After noticing that Sam was eating them a little too fast, Jake realized that the sweet kid had  thrown a few pancakes onto the ground. Sam explained that he was feeding the earth because it was hungry and since it was healthy food that could be digested, he wanted to share. So simple. So sweet.

This evening Sam came in from playing with his neighbor friend and told me that while he wanted to be with his friend, he had also wanted to be home "loving on" me. I was touched that in the excitement of being with his buddy, I was even a thought in his head. So simple.

Parenthood is messy. Yes! But it's also so refreshingly simple and very sweet. What will I choose to focus on? Will it be the messes or will it be the innumerable moments of simple joy that are available to give and receive?